I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. (Hang up. It was PRIVATE. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. 17. 10. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? (pointing at the sky). If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Officer: Soldier. Semper Pie Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. . Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. USMC: OHH! While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. 18. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Want more amazing military jokes? He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Thats Daddy. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. I'm impressed! Flight Announcements 4. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. And )second Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Me: No, I dont. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. This happened several times times throughout the flight. The tenant shook her head. you cant do both. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". It took the poor guy all day. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. "They're all mine. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. 46. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. The c.i.a. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Me: No. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Anecdotes 1. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 2. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. In-dough-structible Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Altitude is life insurance. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. 14. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! . She also liked her scotch. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, We were a tough group. 44. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Ocean Pearl, I answered. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? They want their patients to see 20:20! They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. 1. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Soldier: No, SIR!. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Rodrigues? Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. What did you do? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. 3. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Aircraft Engineers 1. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Marines Say OOOOORAH! A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Decodes 7. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. 15. You divertyour course! In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. What are you doing? I asked. They bagged six. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. When Is Military Appreciation Month? I was very nervous, she said. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? 4. Dad got quiet. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. 13:30 comes and goes. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Why? I asked. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. 38. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. 9. I was very nervous, she said. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". One stated they would love to work on a submarine. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? It was sheer brilliance. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? We have one or two in here! There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. She also liked her scotch. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. (Hang up. What would As A.J. 11. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. She told me she warships them. 66. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The Blonde Fighter Pilot S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A LOOtenant! What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. The INFANTry! aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. [Answered]. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Airmens mess, sir.. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. 7. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Killed bin Laden. They know how to take up space. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Good judgment comes from experience. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. 39. How much noise can we make up here? Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: 64. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Caller: Is Sgt. SUB sandwiches! A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! 2. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. You can see why: Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps?